The Significance Of Validating Emotions In Children Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuse

Children often tend to look for normalcy and inculcate behavior that is accepted by others, overlooking their unique situations. Children who have experienced sexual violence carry on the emotions, burdening themselves with the weight of the suppressed trauma. A child worries little about house expenses or the stock market crashing, they think about their walk to school and what game to play with their friend- life is that simple. The concepts of sexual trauma and abuse never occur to them. Hence, children subjected to sexual assault sometimes fail to channel the feelings they’ve experienced in a secure manner. Parents create this bridge between the uncomfortable experience they’ve had and a safe outlet of that trauma, serving as important sources of validation that the child needs. They are the most trusted people in a child’s life that they seek validation from.

There are incidences, maybe small, leading to the child concealing facts that bother them, they feel trapped, igniting the importance of communication. Adults involved with disclosures of sexual abuse often react to children as if the abuse is news to the child, as well. However, the child is inherently aware of the sexual abuse before the inquiry conducted by adults who often fail to take this into consideration.

The child has learnt to deal with the emotions experienced, developed certain coping skills and thought processes to manage the trauma. Often, the implementation of these coping mechanisms is directed by the child towards feeling safer which could lead to denial or avoidance of the sexual abuse altogether. They tend to suppress memories of the trauma, failing to acknowledge their emotions. Children might find it hard to provide testimonies about the violence they have been subjected to, they have been learning to avoid, not to think and talk about the trauma. In such situations, parents play an imperative role in creating a safe atmosphere for the child to recall their abuse and facilitate disclosure.

Research also has shown that personal participation in an event increases children’s correct recollection of the event as well as their resistance to suggestions while children can be resistant to suggestions even after relatively lengthy delays between an event and later questioning. Certain mock police interviews conducted with sexually abused children, revealed that the personnel were likely to believe children who were sad in contrast to those who displayed anger or positive emotions. In fact, research proves that often children who were subjected to violence tend to show neutrality and appear relaxed at the time of disclosure. Thus, an assumed notion of their emotional state has an adverse impact on the understanding of the abuse.

Consoling the child by accepting the feelings they have without any judgement aids validation primarily. Moreover, it is important to coax the child to accept their own feelings of abuse. “Validating yourself is like glue for fragmented parts of your identity,” writes Karyn Hall, PhD. “Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions.”

The parent plays a role in making the child realize that they have autonomy to develop their perspective on the abuse, and the perpetrator does not get to define their experience anymore. The child deserves to understand that they are like any other child, deserving of affection and security despite the abuse they have been subjected to. The ability to resolve childhood trauma, rises from the understanding that they are not at fault and receiving validation on the emotional reaction they had to the sexual abuse. Thus, the child grows up to believe that they deserve to live a life just like any other person would despite their traumatic experiences. 

The article has been written by our Amol - Yashika

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